Thursday, September 22, 2016

when a peacock sells lemmings to a lemur

The limerick that attempted to slap me in the face lacked a pair of socks that matched. This was a good thing, since the elbow grease used smelled of celery.

Myopic, like a flange.

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

on a side note (a G major)

If you can believe it, I've managed to squeeze a portable treadmill into this golf cart spaceship of mine. What I do is raise the steering control so it is out of the way, and then on the floor in front of the single row of a bench seat the treadmill belt acts as the floor while cruising along, and I can raise the roof to allow for standing (and running) on it.

Traveling at this speed on Earth would cause enormous amounts of drag when the roof section is raised, however, here in space I just need to protect the flexible wall material that allows the roof to be raised with some guar gum epoxy so that tiny micro dots of space dust don't break the seal as I zip towards Proxima Centuari B.

Today I managed to run 5KM in 23:14; not too shabby for a space cruiser like me. Later in the day I had a Kit-Kat bar; I still have plenty of those left for this trip.

Thursday, September 08, 2016

selling my shoe size for a bottle of enigma

I crossed the ten trillion km mark on this trip to Proxima Centauri B and so far all systems are operating nominally. With 38 days left until I arrive I still have no clearer view of the dim red sun.

My water recycling system ran into a very minor problem that was easily corrected - the urine to water converter had begun to emit the slightest unpleasant odour and with a small patch of kevlar duct tape it was fixed in short order.

Twelve days into this trip I'm starting to get a bit bored, so I've been napping more. It is nice to get this break.

Tuesday, September 06, 2016

tempest in a shoe box

While idling away the time on this voyage I thought to share a little bit about my left ankle.

It is not terribly different from my right ankle. Nor is it operationally different from the ankle of most people whose ankle functions properly.

I do not think that Proxima Centauri B will have any ankles to which I can compare.

Back on planet Earth at about this time there had just been a Labour Day long weekend for some of the Earthlings. I hope those of you who had such made the most of it.

Monday, August 29, 2016

well on the way

At about two and a half trillion kms from Earth now, the whole solar system is but a speck in the distance in my rear view mirror. Proxima Centauri still doesn't show in the distance, it being a red dwarf and all.

Take off on Saturday went off without a hitch and I managed to get the golf cart up to top speed within mere minutes of leaving Earth's atmosphere. At the moment of this post I'm clocking just over 9.3 million km/s, doing good time.

My stores of pop-tarts are already almost done and I spilled a bit of jam from them on the seat, but the rest of my supplies are in good order.

Unless something out of the ordinary happens I won't really have much to report over the next six weeks as I travel there; once Proxima Centauri is visible I'll be sure to let you know.

Friday, August 26, 2016

it must be raining somewhere

An exoplanet was just recently discovered only 4.25 light years away. Tomorrow I will get into my light speed outer space modified golf cart which can travel at thirty-one times the speed of light which would get me there in about fifty days. So I'll get there on October 16. I guess I'll need to pack some munchies for the ride there (and back). Fortunately the golf cart has a tape deck so I can listen to some music during the trip.

As I get further from Earth my internet connection will start to lag, so my posting may become sporadic.

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

the nightmare of a slouching ankle byte

The reachest brangler fletted crinhjkly mepor flan din sergoww ti.

Blok tok, flip dip, snip gip, pip.

Derangedly unkemptfully nargical, prok flo neuptiously, blar@


Monday, August 22, 2016

Olympic withdrawal

Oh well, it is over now.

I've decided I am going to do my best to get myself to Tokyo in 2020. My wife has not expressed an interest in going, so I would either go alone, or, I may see about polling some friends to see if they would come too. There isn't a lot of room for cost savings as the tickets for travel and for the events are all by unit rather than by group. The only cost savings that could happen is with shared accommodations, so whomever would come with me, we'd be sharing. I've already checked AirBNB and found there are many apartments right in the area where the Olympics will take place; a key will be to book early enough that the availability is still plentiful.

Public transit works really well in Tokyo and is not expensive, but given how many people will be there for the Olympics, in addition to how many people already live there, I've scoped out walking to the events. For the stadium that holds the ceremonies and track and field, Google says it would take about 70 minutes to walk there. Adjacent to that stadium is where the Table Tennis takes place, so it is an equivalent walk. In the opposite direction, if I walk about the same distance, I reach where the swimming is as well as other aquatic events. Even walking may prove slower if there are a lot of people, but no matter, I would always leave with plenty of time. An argument against walking is that it will be hot - Tokyo in the summer it very hot and humid. With Climate Change, who knows how much hotter it will be there in four years.

Four years is plenty of time to save up some funds, but who knows what my life situation will be like at that time. I do feel it is important for me to attend the Olympics at least once in my life, and I figure this would give me the opportunity to see a different part of the world at the same time. The Olympics came right to my own city many years ago, but as I was only 1,124 days old at the time, I wasn't really into it as I am now, at 15,770 days old.

Friday, August 19, 2016


Canada's Olympic team has earned two more Gold Medals since I last posted about Penny and Rosie.

In Track and Field, Derek won the Gold Medal for jumping highest (2.38m) in the high jump.

In Women's Freestyle Wrestling (75KG class) Erica Wiebe won 6-0 against her Kazakhstan opponent. Hers was a difficult day with three matches leading up to the final, all on the same day.

We also won the bronze in heptathlon (Brianne Theison Eaton), the bronze in decathlon (Damien Warner) and Andre de Grasse sprinted to a bronze medal finish in the men's 100m and a silver medal finish in the men's 200m. There are other Canadian medal winners but these are the ones that I followed more closely.

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

warning: nitrogen levels at status quo

The reddish barn went sky diving when the fear-driven cattle played chess.

Quicksand isn't quick, it is slow. Slow isn't fast, though to fast is to not eat, so slow is to eat. Eat is something you do, usually, after having been hungry. Twice.

When a blanket baked a billionaire into bits and bytes, three thousand two hundred and twenty-one nondescript items remained exactly where they were.

Being stung by a millimetric caliper is about as pleasant as banging gently a single knuckle on the antler of a flangeless incarnation. I should know.

There is little I can say about armpits.

Monday, August 15, 2016

welt belt felt

First time so far, the driver of the bus I took in to work this morning was wearing her wrist watch on the wrist of her right hand. This is the first person I have seen since I started paying attention to who wears their watch on the same wrist that I wear mine.

Oh, and Andre de Grasse won the Bronze medal in 100m sprint last night behind Bolt (Gold) and Gatlin (US, Silver). It looks like both Bolt and Gatlin will be retired by the time the next Olympics take place and de Grasse is 21 years old, so he still has at least one more Olympics to compete in, if not two.