Tuesday, February 21, 2017

tips that top the tap

There isn't anything melancholy about slirping up a goat cheese made of the hole found in the toe of a sock of a teenaged boy who doesn't cut his toenails often enough.

A dirigible once flew out of my nose when I sneezed. The passengers were furious with the pilot.

I counted exactly zero herons today. I counted an equal number of albatrosses. I did, however, encounter a non-zero value of red-headed commuters.

It wasn't published prophetically, that a gargantuan rolling of the dice would lead to aces. I'd dream heavily of the loto prize of 1000$ a day for life. How long my life remains would be the big question. I suppose to win, I'd need to play.

Wednesday, February 15, 2017

when the balloon popped, other double letters

If you can believe it, today I am 15,947 days old. I'm getting closer to breaking the 16,000 day mark.

In fact, my 16,000th day is April 9th. I've decided to host a party on that day, BBQ some hot dogs and hamburgers, get people to bring sides, desserts and drinks. My plan is to make posters of day 0, 1000, 2000, 3000, etc. I'll try to get photos from those ages, though there will definitely be some dry years on that front.

It isn't every day that a person is 16,000 days old.

Wednesday, February 08, 2017

flying in the night under the moon beyond the sun

There are always two of everything that have only one and another.
There are never four in a month that makes the tree think twice about sparing a tooth pick.

A sideways glance did not once get charged for eating ice cream in an elevator.


A lot of empty space can be filled with dark matter; trouble it, we can't see it.

The boring shoes make it all worth it. Twice.

Tuesday, February 07, 2017

beep creep sleep seep leap

2012 was a year that happened some time ago.

I know; I existed for most of that year. All of the times that I was unconscious during that year I would not have been able to tell you what year it was. I suppose this holds true for this year too.

At Book Group on Friday it came up how some of us in the group abhor poor grammar. Well, your right, me to.

The 22nd of February is a date some number of days from now. That day is the day that I become eligible to give blood again.

April 9, 2017 is also a date, some number of days from now; that is the day I turn exactly 16000 days old. I've been thinking I will host a party to celebrate this auspicious date. My plan has begun.

Elon Musk is getting into TBMs, something I read up about quite some time ago. I wrote this back in 2006.

I think using dynamite to repair a broken chair leg is overkill.

Monday, February 06, 2017

klepto hepto femto pico

Market Research left me on the right. Right?

I ought to ott.

Friday, February 03, 2017

derelict coatings of an iguana on a helm tree

There are two flavours of ice cream dice that make a sailor count to twenty-seven even though it isn't a prime number.

This would be incorrect if it wasn't for the number of aircraft that got flushed down the toilet when a mayor of a small town woke up thinking it was Tuesday when it was actually Wednesday. All of the remaining icons that had been attached to the north facing wall spun counter-clockwise by about one degree; not particularly noticeable to the occupants of the room who were all fervently debating if they had had six or eight shots of tequila.

February is one of those months that, when pronounced backwards, doesn't remind anyone of the last time they consumed a cup of tea.

I, for one, am not a tea drinker. I don't drink any other letters of the alphabet, either. What I do drink on a daily basis is water. Usually it is wet when I am drinking it.

I decided today to wear my digital wrist watch. Even though I know how to tell the time using an analog watch, I do find it quicker to tell the time from a digital one. I'm not usually in a rush to tell the time, though, so it isn't a big deal that the analog watch takes more time.

If you attempted to pronounce the month February backwards, consider yourself sufficiently admonished.

This being Friday, I'd offer to you to have a terrific weekend, but since that is a very typical thing to say, I'll have to offer something a little different: I hope your weekend passes without any part of you becoming cryogenically frozen.

Wednesday, February 01, 2017

hallucinate, delineate, elucidate

There is more to it than what you've been told.

There is less to it than you might think.

Thinking about being told will give you no more or less.

Being told to think is more or less a thing.

That's what you get for swallowing a story remarkably bereft of lupine spirit.

Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Without with and couch the soap

It is the very last day of the very first month of the very first year that follows the year that precedes this one.

There are no Christmas Carols that would use a straw to melt a cream puff made of internal digital watch components. I should know.

Two limericks walked into a bar and told a joke to a pigeon.

I haven't given any thought to the AXY3 idea that I had quite a while ago. And yet, I did think about it yesterday when I was debating about purchasing a web domain. Instead of purchasing a new domain I decided to use a different one that I had access to.

My wife and two daughters and I (my son was busy elsewhere) went with almost 200 other people into a Mosque last night to participate in a meeting of solidarity for the six Muslims that were killed in Quebec City the previous night. This was the first time I had ever been in a Mosque. The spirit of solidarity and cooperation was very strong in the room with people from many different faiths taking part. This same event was being held in many places across Canada at the same time.

Baking bread using one's armpits isn't the least likely of things to happen on a Tuesday at 11AM. Still, it is pretty unlikely.

On Netflix last night watched the movie 'Horns' as recommended by some people at a party I was at over the weekend. It was quite entertaining and had me rather captivated.

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

yep, third place

On Netflix last night, saw the movie 'The Bronze'.

I hadn't heard anything about it and as a result had no expectations whatsoever. I quite enjoyed, it actually. Yes, it was raunchy, but I felt it was smartly written and well acted.

Dang Spartan Race support, they won't get back to me. Arg!

Monday, January 23, 2017

when the vista smells like an anorak

The left side is wanting to count to eleven, divide the existential from the inexistential, and to ensure that there is fairness.

The right side wants to play Pictionary, fly a kite and have an impassioned discussion concerning oatmeal.

I am on neither side; in the center I'd simply like to have a nap.

It would be particularly odd if the even numbered of my nose hairs took up telecommunication with all of the antlers found this side of 93 degrees East.

The ice cream machine danced a jig.

All of the staplers in the world, when mixed with street fungus in a soup bin made of leather,

Wednesday, January 18, 2017

when a turn key doesn't lock

His feet really smell. Perhaps he should remove them.

Or, wash them.

Or, paint them orange.

I do not know what is the most appropriate solution. Of course, I am not the one to make the decision, so it isn't important that I don't know.

He said he would wash his feet before getting into bed. I think this is a fine idea as otherwise the bed would start to smell like his feet. And how do you remove a bed?

Oh, I know, we could paint the bed orange. Or, he'll wash his feet.