Quit, not quite
So we had parent-teacher interviews this evening when G-bot's music teacher showed us a note that G-bot forged to get himself out of participating in the choir for the Christmas concert. I don't remember exactly what he wrote as I don't have the note in front of me, but he misspelled 'quit' as 'quite' indicating he wanted to 'quite' the choir. He signed it with my initials in cursive writing. The music teacher asked him 'who wrote this note?' and G-bot answered 'why do you ask?'. Apparently he lied very believably as the teacher explained to us that she needed to check with us about it.
G-bot is eleven years old and hopefully this is just a small blip in what so far has been a fairly decent path he has been following. I sincerely hope it is not a portent of things to come. He has not shown anything like this kind of behaviour before, so we're not reprimanding him severely, though he will have to continue to be in the choir. We're on the watch now, however, and if he slips up again there will be more dire consequences.
One thing he should figure out is that I take pride in spelling accurately everything I write, including notes that get written to teachers at school. I would never have allowed such a note to have been delivered.
9 comments:
Kids will be kids... have a serious talk with him, mention the "D" word (Disappointment) and tell him to quite being a whiner! ;)
Usually getting caught out like that is enough to make them think twice about doing it again. He must really hate choir.
Usually getting caught out like that is enough to make them think twice about doing it again. He must really hate choir.
Everyone lies to their parents. Parents themselves seem to forget this. It's a way to protect ones own privacy, build independence, and is a sign of intelligence.
Thankfully, most kids aren't good enough at it, so they get caught.
Is there some reason he hates choir so much? Doesn't feel good enough, or is being bullied?
it kinda hurts when my kids lie to me. i try to nurture an atmosphere where they can tell me anything, but i think kids want to avoid the disappointment of their parentals.
My wife had the talk with him so I only have the relay as to how it went.
I don't think he hates choir, he is just missing playing with his friends because choir at lunch break is not the only activity he is doing during the week that takes him from his friends at lunch time. He is also in the Quebec Honour Band and on the Math Olympic team, both of which have weekly lunch hour practices.
I suppose it is true that people lie to their parents. If I never find out about it, I will enjoy my ignorant bliss; it is catching them that compels us to try to teach them something.
In grade one or two (I was 7 or 8), I remember this girl in class. She was a chubby girl, and she was often bullied. I didn't like her very much, and had no reason to not like her very much; it was probably osmosis from the other kids who used to tease her. I read my diary from that time when I was a bit older, and felt ashamed at myself. As I grew up, I realized that kids that are bullied don't deserve that kind of meanness from kids like me who never bullied anybody.
Around that time, too, I remember this other kid. He was a short, spunky, annoying kid, who seemed like he had a lot of obnoxious confidence for that age. He had this tiny stapler, that took these tiny staples, that I thought were totally cool, and I envied him. I snuck into his desk and stole his stapler. Nobody ever found out that I did it. But he cried out to the class, "somebody took my stapler!! somebody took my stapler!" I'll never forget his voice, and the shame and guilt I felt. I don't think I ever stole anything from a classmate again (I did steal a big marble from a store once, that was outside of the package 'cos another kid had tore into it, and I felt guilty about that, too, and never stole from a store again.)
Sometimes, the lessons kids learn, they learn themselves. I'm not sure if your son will learn this lesson himself, but hopefully the moral compass you raised him with will win out over the bad behaviour in the future.
mesh, thanks for sharing - I too hope that this event is a good learning experience for him.
He also tried to solve the problem himself, rather than just run to you. Did it in a way that makes perfect sense to a kid, and none at all to a parent.
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