sylvan calamity when brought to light

For a few years in a row, pre-pandemic, a friend would invite me for a dad's only weekend, and then also, a dad and kids weekend away at his property, very clearly and detail explained in this post.

During the pandemic, he and his wife sold that property and bought a new one. I took a bunch of photos, but I'll post them another time. For the most part we were five guys and two dogs and from the evening of Saturday until noon on Sunday an additional guy.

I had pretty successful conversations one-on-one, but whenever the group was together I played listener almost all of the time, except for the occasional question that would occur to me based on something someone would say. At other times, this property being more vast, I was just wandering on my own both enjoying the solitude while questioning my existence there. I was happy to have been invited, but did not always feel accepted. It was very kind of one of them to drive me there and a different one to drive me home, but I didn't feel great about that, even though each of them had to drive from here to there and there to here anyhow.

At this moment I am torn about going again in the future. Maybe I'd feel better if I went there on my own and came home on my own; that would just mean a little more planning. Maybe I'd feel better if I saw these guys more regularly, but that isn't likely to happen, given how their lives are organized (still with their family and kids) and mine (no longer with family and kids).

I have more thoughts about this, none of them particularly positive or hopeful, but still I for the most part had a nice time and remain a relatively happy and content person.