block rock sock dock

This summer my mom will turn 75yo and my dad 80yo. For the past year or more, I've been going to visit with them every other week, I take the train there and after a visit with them at their house followed by brunch out at a resto, my dad would drive me home with my mom as passenger also.

At the beginning of doing this my mom was moving slowly but still good to move around and carry a conversation. There has been a fairly aggressive decline in her cognition and mobility and she has just very recently been diagnosed with Frontal Temporal Dimensia.

My dad is having to do most of the work of caring for her, but my sister, his sister-in-law and a few weekly healthcare worker visits per week give him small breaks now and then. The difficult time for him is the time she is Sundowning. 

He let me know today that much earlier today, at 3h30, my mom had fallen out of bed. With her reduced mobility and her dead weight it wasn't possible for my dad to lift her up back into the bed. He called the emergency service and two Abbott students who I surmise were on call for such calls, came and helped to lift her. Once she was lifted they suggested two options to my dad, to bring her to a hospital or to leave her in the bed to sleep as that was where she ended up. He picked the latter, though when I was talking with him at lunch time (we ordered in food as my mom can no longer go out), he partially regrets this, as had she gone to the hospital, he'd have had a break.

I suggested to him that she be put on whatever waiting list is necessary to have her placed in a public residence for people with dementia. There is likely a delay and so even if she isn't quite yet at the stage where it is needed, she would be by the time a place is found. He responded that given the delays and the rate at which she is digressing, she may not exist by the time a place is found.

He also mentioned that he has tried to work with her gerontologist as well as the personnel from the CLSC to get her on just such a waiting list, but has so far been unable to reach anyone to do this.

I feel bad for my mom, as it has been clear over the last year that she seems to have mostly given up, and being in that state of mind for so long can not be good. I also feel bad for my dad, as one other thing he mentioned today is that his own fitness routine has stopped because he's too tired given the time he is having to spend to deal with and take care of my mom. The reduction in exercise as well as the difficult time of seeing his wife in this declining state won't be any good for him, either.

My mom was asleep when the food arrived, so my dad and I ate together, and then he drove me just to Ste-Anne-de-Bellevue from where I took the bus home. This way, instead of the extra time to drive me all the way home he could get back to my mom in case she had awaken. I will go back in two weeks and will offer to take the 335 bus home which I can take by walking to the stop from their house; this way my dad won't have to drive me at all.