Vignette - Catherine

If you haven't already, you should read the intro first. This colour indicates the text is directly excerpted from my journal.

Sun Dec 22, 1991
On Sunday, two days ago, I went to Catherine’s house for a Christmas party. Who is Catherine? She is a friend of Kevin’s who spends much of her time during school on the staircase of the third floor of the Herzberg building. During the last four or five weeks, I also went there, and so I gained the acquaintance of her, as well as others, who were also at the party.

Having met Catherine at that third floor hangout I always thought of her as ‘out of my league’ but approachable. I probably spent quite a bit of time with her (and whoever else was at this hangout) during the next semester, but didn’t write much about it. In that group setting, there really wasn’t a ‘Catherine-me’ dynamic.

Fri Mar 6, Marek was one of the guys that also hung out on the third floor, we both had class on Friday that finished early, so together I drove about the West Island a little, went into the city, met up with Kevin and Catherine who phoned home, no one was there, so we all went to her house after Pat, Catherine’s boyfriend, joined us. We ate at her house and then decided to go bowling. When we got there, a league had occupied all of the lanes, but we decided to wait. ...eventually Pat got bored and left, and Catherine became sort of angry/sad, because her boyfriend got bored and left. She began to get tears in her eyes, and so I challenged her to an air hockey game to cheer her up.

After our two games of air hockey, our names were called to go bowling. She seemed to be in a better mood by then.

March 14th, a surprise birthday party for Jen, one of Catherine’s friends, at Jen’s house. After the party got into full swing some of us went into the basement.

During the evening, I spent much of time with Catherine. I am developing for her a fondness, although I am quite aware that she is already involved with a guy named Pat. She has an omnipresent charm, and a certain kind of innocence which I really like to see. [...] She has the figure of a model and a pretty face to match.

I need to do a side panel to have this next part make sense. In my parish, during this time, I was one of the leaders of a youth group who would organize dances and fundraisers and other charity work. One of the other volunteers was a girl named Kim, one or two years younger than me, and at events we ran it was evident to me that she was into me. As Kim also was one of the volunteers and her parents too were involved, I got to know their family about as well as a teenage guy who volunteers does.

Catherine told me of how Kim, her cousin, had been in paradoxical love with me, and her mother liking me overmuch also, saying that at that time, when she didn’t know me, she would wonder what kind of a guy would have this effect on two different people. I realized perhaps one or two hours later, that I should probably have continued this conversation in the direction she had begun… but in the moment I shrugged it off; not prepared yet to accept that I could be considered desirable.

Later that night a bunch of us went to see the Rocky Horror Picture Show, the interactive version at the Paris.

I continued to see Catherine on the third floor; we went with a group to Battle of the Bands… in my entry of May 12 after having arrived at our third floor hangout I wrote this: I sat down beside Catherine and spoke to her some. It seems that every time I am with her I feel drawn to her, as well as repelled; she has a boyfriend, so what am I to do?

The term ended, I was finished with CEGEP; in early June Marek calls me and talks about a party at Catherine’s and mentioned to me that he had spoken with her, and she expressed surprise that I hadn’t reached out to her. So as soon as I was done speaking with Marek, I called her house; no answer. Tried the next day and then on the third day we connected and organized ourselves, just she and I, for a canoe day.

June 2, 1992, after I finished work at about 9AM I headed to her house to pick her up, then we headed to my house and got on the water.

I think this time was her first time ever canoeing, and it was so much fun for her. I took her onto three islands, showing what there was to them… eventually settling on the island we have the Island Party on. I had hoped during all of this time, to speak to her on a personal nature, but this did not happen, although I did make some small effort asking about dreams.

We were out for maybe two or three hours, I’m not sure now as I didn’t write it. After, we got back to my house, I had a quick shower, I drove her back to her place, she had a quick shower. I took her to the employment office as she was looking for work, we stopped at a resto and ate and then returned back to her place, watched some TV and then we headed downtown to hook up with her boyfriend and we went to see ‘Sister Act’. After the movie I drove her home, on the way she invited me in for a drink at her house, but when we got there she was flagging, so we skipped on that and I came home.

At that point, I did not know whether I wanted to enter anyway, for I am beginning to feel quite attracted to her, while at the same time respecting the relationship she has with Pat, a relationship that seems to have been for as long as I remember knowing Catherine.

That Friday was the party at her house, and many of our third floor group attended. We went to a park, played a bit, returned to the house, ate some, watched a movie; I sat between Catherine and Alison; that was nice. At the end of the evening when I was leaving I asked Catherine if she wanted to go canoeing again, and she said it would be after her present mosquito bites had healed.

On Tuesday, June 8, I called her to ask about canoeing, and she said that it would be better for her if she continued her job hunt. She said she would call me over the weekend, and so I await her call.

She did not end up calling me, and I did not end up calling her again.

The one time I did successfully take her canoeing, when I couldn't think of anything to talk about; examples of things I could have asked, "do you find it easier to talk to boys or girls?" or "where would you fall on a body self consciousness scale?" or "what are your fears?" or “how would you describe your family as you were growing up?” or "do you think about the future and what you might like to do" or "Do you want to go swimming?" as we were on an uninhabited island and the side of the island we were on was away from civilization; we hadn’t worn or brought with us swimming apparel, so I would have just asked to see where that might have led.

I don’t know if having had mobile devices during that time would have had us conversing with each other. I’d like to believe I would have been more inclined to initiate something with her then, but I do not know with any certainty if I would have - she was always friendly with me, but I also knew that she had a boyfriend, and, well, I hadn’t the confidence to move forward in any way anyway.



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