Vignette - Jen

If you haven't already, you should read the intro first. This colour indicates the text is directly excerpted from my journal.

In my last term at Abbott, starting around the end of January 1992, the phys-ed course I had picked was cross-country skiing.

In the first gym class, she entered the classroom late, and sat down next to me, that being the only empty seat. So she asked me my name, and then introduced herself, Jen, and five minutes later asked me again what my name was, confessing that names are not always easy to remember for her. I was genuinely surprised, and a little bit confused, at first, at the warmth, and ease of character with which she presented herself, and then I got used to it, that being her way.

The second class, we went skiing at the arboratem, and near the end of the class, we played a version of British Bulldog on skis, and I, being one of these bulldogs first, happened to see her and went after her first, of course I caught her. So we skied around arm in arm (because of the rules of the game), talking, laughing and falling, completely enjoying ourselves as children would. Just after the class ended, I walked with her to the nursing place at Abbott, where she was going to check if she had bronchitis. We spoke some then, too, mostly of previous outdoor experiences. After this turning of events, I decided that next class I would get closer to her still, and I did.

In the next class we formed up into groups of four, so Jen and I partnered with two other guys. For the weekend skiing trip we would eventually do we would eat together, sleep in the same shelter together and plan it all out together. Once we worked that out we got on a bus to go skiing again. In the bus I sat next to Jen, and we spoke about each other. She asked me if I was rich, and I told her I wish I was, and she told me that she lived in Dollard, among other things. [...] After the bus ride back, we decided to go to the Munch Box together, and we did, I bought her a poutine and a chocolate milk, and I bought me three grill cheese sandwiches. We spoke a lot, for perhaps more than an hour, and she told me a lot of things about herself, and I told her two big (personal) things about me. She had gone on for about twenty minutes about the last two boyfriends she had had, and then she asked about me and previous. I told her the truth, with a little side note of Joanne, and she was shocked, well, not really, although she was surprised, and did not believe me at first.

When I wrote above I told her the ‘truth’, it is that I had never had a GF.

In the next day or two I met with one of my Loyola classmates Craig and went to his house. It ended up being a big sharing session where we talked about the people who were hanging out on the third floor of the Herzberg building. He ended up telling me a lot, and even admitted to me that he had ended up telling me more than he had told anyone. He thanked me for being a really good listener.

Then I wrote this: As a matter of fact, Jen, in our talk over food after the last gym class, also told me that she usually doesn’t tell people about such personal things so early in a relationship, and I told her that people often tell me things that they are later surprised that they did.

Abbott had a newsletter, a section within which you could put messages to other students; well, this was done for Valentines, I don’t remember if it was done otherwise. I put a message in the newsletter for Jen. She gave me a reply in the form of a note:
In gym class, Jen gave me a short note which had on it a few things, namely thanks for the message, for food last week, saying that I was such a nice guy, and ending with “Why Me?” and her phone number.

After the gym class I went with her to student services for something and we had to wait for an appointment so I waited with her. I didn’t write if I had answered her question (the Why Me question), but I did note that I had a Humanities class later that day where I wrote a note in reply to her, Maybe I’ll give it to her, maybe not. In any case, I hope to call her this weekend sometime.

I have posted previously about the ski trip and in that post I didn’t remember any of their names, but now of course I know the girl’s name was Jen. In the quinzhee snow shelter we ended up building, Jen asked if she could sleep next to me, and I expressed the same interest in sleeping next to her. That’s pretty much what happened, we both fell asleep quickly.

There was a chalet not far from where we had camped out, and after the first day of skiing, before we ate, a number of us went in there to keep warm. I had written that I still had plenty of energy after the day of skiing; it hadn’t been as grueling as I thought it could have been.
Jen was there, and I sat down beside her. She happened to be one of the many who were really tired, and she put her head on my shoulder, and I my arm around her, staying like this for a few minutes. This moment I cherished for the rest of the day.

After that ski weekend, gym class was over for the rest of the semester, Jen and I didn’t share any other classes, so if I was to see her again, it would have to be calling her. So I called her house, a few times, and then a few days later she called me back, and we organized to get together.

Wed Mar 4, 1992
We ate at Moe’s, went to her work place (Moe’s adjacent), visited a couple of other shops, then I drove her home and hung out at her place for a few hours.

She was upset because she suspected her boyfriend (this is the first time I hear she has a BF) wasn’t where he said he would be, she called a few places and then she got more angry when she found out, asked him to be in a room alone, and ripped into him. When she hung up the phone, I tried to console her and after twenty minutes or so she calmed down.
She said that she had practically no, if not none, girl friends, and that all of her friends are guy friends. The reason, she said, was as follows: girls cheat and steal, and lie, and do all sorts of evil things [...] she said that guys are generally honest, and respect each other’s relationships, and that girls would go after a guy of another under any circumstances.

After this highly emotional outburst, this is what I wrote: I’m still attracted to her, however, but I wonder about the compatibility of two whose nature could be no more opposite. Maybe someday I will see how compatible we can be, or maybe I will settle back down into the permeating dust cloud I have made myself. Hopefully the former will ensue.

Sun Mar 8
I have been giving serious thought to calling her from Abbott, because now I know that she has school only on Mondays and Wednesdays, and so on any other day, I could reach her at home (maybe) and speak with her. I have yet to try.

It was around this time that a classmate of mine from my biology class talked to me about Jen; he did not have a high opinion of her at all. I was becoming friends with this classmate so I didn’t totally discount his judgement, but apart from that emotional outburst I was a witness to, Jen had only ever been nice to me.

On the way to a party, I stopped by the bakery that Jen works in, and bought some pastries, while saying hello to her. She encouraged me to call her over the weekend (which I didn’t, although I tried reaching her Tuesday, more about that later).

On that Tuesday I was helping to organize a bowling event and called Jen to invite her. She was on her way out when I called. I asked when she would be back, and she said two, and so that cancelled her for the bowling, I said I would call back today [this entry was written on the Wednesday immediately following that Tuesday] but haven’t as yet, and probably won’t, seeing as how I have nowhere to ask her. (Of course, if she calls, I will probably be a happier person).

I called Jen a few times over Spring Break, and she was always leaving or not home, and so now I have stopped. She has never called me, and so I figure I am on the negligible level of her priority list.

When I tried to console her on that emotional outburst day I learned that she was emotional in a way that most likely I was ill equipped to understand or empathize. The way that she first approached me when we first met is what really stuck with me - up until then, and even perhaps ever since, I don’t think I’ve ever had so warm and quick an entrance into a relationship. I do not think mobile technology would have been useful here; as she basically shut me down.

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